Being Accountable is Being Loved

February 23, 2015  •  Leave a Comment

As iron sharpens iron, so one person sharpens another. Proverbs 27:17

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What score would you give if I asked you to rate your marriage or relationship from 1-10, 1 being the lowest and 10 being the highest?

Are you doing everything in your power to keep your marriage in tip-top shape?

We are blessed to have a group of friends who we meet at least once or twice a month specifically for this purpose. To rate our marriages, see how our spouses are doing, talk about the goings-on in our lives, our children, and everything else in between that we deem worthy. We celebrate each other’s accomplishments and are all  praise for jobs well done. Yet we take our masks off and let our guards down, in the hope of learning something from each other’s mistakes too. There is a circle of trust and confidentiality that is understood by everyone. So we laugh during dinner and cry during dessert. We are crazy like that.

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Prior to their wedding,  a couple goes through the tiniest details with every inch of scrutiny.  Everything must turn out perfect.  But somehow, I cannot help but ask if they took the time to ponder the people they choose as principal and secondary sponsors, as well as their best man and maid of honour. Why? Because these are the people who are going to embark with you in your new journey and help you walk the long haul. So many couples miss out on this one and choose for the poorest reasons. I know of couples that put certain people as their godparents because they are their parents’ friends, because of the position they carry and because of the money they can get as gifts.  It is my prayer that couples choose wisely because this is your life line in your marriage life.

Here are my criteria for people that should be part of our backend marriage structure:

1. We have to be willing to be honest and open to them with every marriage issue that comes our way.

2.We have to be able to count on them to pick us up when we are stuck in a rut and help us with whatever difficulty we are experiencing.

3.We have to make sure they will give us godly advice that will lift us up and not tell us anything that will destroy our union.

4.We also need pats on the back from them during the good times as well as a shoulder to cry on when the hard times come along.

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Couples should have at least one or two people with whom they can bare their heart and soul to. Sometimes, we listen but do not hear. And sometimes, it takes another person to make us understand what is really being said by our partner. It takes courage to stand up to us when we are really in the wrong and only people who love us can and will do just that. I believe our couples accountability group is heaven-sent. We have only known each other for a few years yet we feel it has been a lifetime. We are not afraid to say anything and everything, and we accept wholeheartedly, suggestions on how to make us, our family and our marriage better.

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Accountability should be done in love.  There can be no accountability without it, lest it turns into mere story-telling and does more harm than good. I look forward to our couple meetings because I know that although we think our marriage is already good as it is, it can be better.  I work hard to get a “high rating,” not because I want to impress but because I love to serve. It feels good to be affirmed and at the same time, it is also heartening to know how I can improve, as a partner, as a parent and as a person.

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I praise God every time for sending us our own couples accountability group. I did not have to look far. They were already there. I sometimes ask myself why I am in the middle of all of them and I only have one answer:  love. They are not perfect, but we complement each other.

On an end note, here is something from Steve Maraboli:  If you hang out with chickens, you’re going to cluck; and if you hang out with eagles, you’re going to fly. I love these guys.

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Our couples accountability group.


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