“The day the Lord created hope
was probably the same day
he created Spring.”
– Bernard Williams

The season of spring is often related to words like hope, rebirth or rejuvenation, and like what most couples would experience in married life, it also brings the prospect of a fresh new start, so in today’s blog, I asked a few married friends of mine what it meant to have a “fresh start” and how they relate it to marriage, while it may mean a brand new beginning, I’m not hoping to find more than that. In these short conversations, their answers both surprised me and inspired me with a new angle in looking at my own married life.

What to you is a “Fresh Start” in Marriage?

Anna: During bf-gf relationship stage there is still that part of yourself you cant let go off, its still “I and you” so its always “I want to do this, you want to do that”, “I have my own money you have yours”, “I value my independence” etc.
That stage you’re still planning things for your future but still you’re holding on to what you have since of course you live separately, the emotional, financial, are still separate while as bf-gf.

When it came to marriage the union becomes from “You and I” to “We”. Every thing you decide on matters on money, dealing with emotions become as one, you can’t anymore make decisions separately since God sees you as one in marriage, it takes a different level of faith to trust your partner.

Buddy: In my case, I wanted to become a better person worthy of the love that am pursuing, nothing like the “take me as I am” mentality

I acknowledge my imperfections and limitations and set out to prove myself worthy of another person’s love and care.
The fresh start is when you build more on what is already existing in you. because although it matters who you were before and who you are now, what determines the future of the relationship is who you want to be in the future.

Buddy and Anna’s pictorial in Fernbrook Gardens

Candid moment during Buddy and Anna’s wedding

Anton: But marriage itself is the fresh start. The fear of letting go of a relationship we’ve grown used to. And the excitement of building a new way of relating with somebody I have always loved but at the same time is someone new. While there can be this sense of “crisis” to fresh starts, I do think that it helps to re-evaluate, even re-experience the depth of my relationship with my wife.

Catherine: By getting married and living with each other we discovered things about each other that I don’t think we would have otherwise, and because we come from different families, cultures and ways of dealing with the world, we had to adjust to that, like learning a different communication style or love language. Physical prep though for me was take the bare necessities and leave everything at my house of origin.e necessities and leave everything at my house of origin.

Anton and Cath with books from campus

Are “fresh starts” a one time thing only or are there many of them along the way?

Buddy and Anna:
For me i think there are a lot of “fresh starts” along the way, the learning process in a marriage is endless
You find out things about your partner and go back to the idea that whatever you guys settle on like for instance moving out, living independently, with or without a maid when you have a baby, financial decisions is both your responsibility.

Moving out is a fresh start, the husband starts being the provider and leader of the family, for wives its a fresh start too by serving the husband and being the caretaker of the household be it that she’s a housewife of a working wife. Also the respect and maturity on the decisions you make as a married couple is ultimately different from when you were just a couple because it entails more responsibilities and challenges along the way.

Anton and Catherine:
Marriage and a lifelong commitment is full of fresh starts. A truly deep relationship connects people at the core of their being, a core that is constantly transforming and reorienting itself through the challenges of life. For example, Cathie and I have really changed in deep ways–her changing relationship with art, with her parents, with her own sense of purpose in life. And I have changed a lot too, mostly because of work, and transitioning from being a teacher to being a graduate student in Japan, to being a teacher again in Japan.

Anna while listening to Buddy’s wedding vows

An intimate moment during Anton and Cath’s wedding

What encouragement or tips can you give to couples who are having their fresh start in marriage?

Buddy & Anna: You get a consensus from your partner that you want to travel that path then you journey towards that together, especially when you enter into marriage, because your partner should accept your past and help get to your future. Same concept with turning away from sin, it doesn’t matter what you have done, if you repent and accept Christ, you will be dead to sin and hence a new start for you in your walk with Christ. That’s how I look at it anyway and how I proceeded with the way to someday become a better person worthy of my family.

Anton: Since we really talk about these things, these changes are very evident to us, and it changes the way we share in each others lives. I have had to drastically reorient the way I have tried to support her over the years. Some things that used to help her became the very things holding her back — and it was always painful to let go of old ways of loving and build new ones.

Catherine: Haha! Anton and I did a lot of throwing away and giving things away too! Clothes, books, etc. We tried not to accumulate too many things since we knew we were moving. So for awhile we only had like one each of a pot, pan, bowl, and plate, and we’d just share them! We developed closeness through that. Emotional… We did a lot of talking and imagining. See possible futures and make possible plans so we don’t go there unprepared.
Oh and I took learning the Japanese language more seriously and we’d speak using that more often so we got used to it.
One more thing, we both spent a lot of time with our families to strengthen our bonds with them before we left.

Anton: There is a tension between stability and change in married life. Stability gives marriage a sense of safety, a haven from all the stresses of life. But sometimes we sit in that stability and end up taking each other for granted, forgetting that we need to work on our relationships, that we need to keep adjusting, that the person in front of you now is probably not the same person he or she used to be when you got married. And so change is important. It is painful, and it is tiring. But it is also one of the most refreshing experiences in married life. And the more changes you go through, the more that confidence and deep trust grows — that no matter how much we change and how much we go through, we can keep learning to love each other in new ways.

A scene from Anton and Cath’s “moving in” prenup

A scene from Anton and Cath’s “moving in” prenup

Buddy and Anna got married on December 2013 and are the owners of Black Wing Shoes, they have a strong and loyal clientele through their hard work and passion.

Anton and Catherine have long moved to Japan after their wedding in 2011 where they continue in their arts, studies and careers.